Suicide Survivor – lightnessinthedark

How to Hear God’s Voice : My First Encounter

This was my first encounter with God.

I’ll admit it, I didn’t even know if it was really real or possible. All I longed for as a new Christian was to be able to hear God speak back to me, as many do. But as more advanced Christians and those further along in their faith say, it really takes a lot of time spent with Him. Spending time with Him; sitting still; quieting our hearts, opening our ears; and being intimate with our Father.

Last Thursday, May 17, was the first time I heard God speak back to me. And I’m so excited to share it for the first time with anyone, here on my blog! I was at my sister’s office, working, since she runs a non-profit for orphans in Africa. She is SO close to God; one of my inspirations. She teaches me a lot and always used to ask me before I believed, “So, how is your way working so far for you?” And she was right. So that day in her office, I asked her, please teach me how to hear His voice.

First thing, there are 3 things/voices that we can hear while trying to connect with God, she explained:

Human Spirit (Flesh): What WE think we want
Holy Spirit: This is God speaking. If this lines up with scripture, it was God speaking. If it doesn’t, it was not God. God will always confirm what he says to you. It can come through a random commercial, signs, words, but if you want to be positive it’s Him then ask– he ALWAYS confirms. You will become better in time, and learn to discern the voices better. It becomes more clear and easier meeting with Him in time because your relationship is so much stronger.
Demonic Spirit: Thoughts that are UNHEALTHY and have NO AUTHORITY! Sad, depressed; these are lies being told, causing feelings of being upset; feeling dark; and against the word. These are lies from the enemy.

My sister has many spiritual gifts. One of them is helping people hear God’s voice. She tore out a piece of paper from her notebook and said okay close your eyes. She invited God into our presence. I instantly felt calm. It was almost impossible to explain.

She asked me to write down, “God, what do you have to say about me?” Then she asked me to close my eyes. While closing my eyes, I didn’t hear a clear loud voice. but I wrote down what I felt and heard in my head.

Warrior. Strong. Unite. Bring hope and peace.

Those are the words He spoke to me. The next question she asked that I wrote was, “God, how can I become closer to you?”

I closed my eyes but started scribbling fast, answers I couldn’t come up with that quick, and I looked at the paper and I wrote: Stop cursing, stop using My Son’s name in Vein, especially in public, pray, and worship.

“God, what will my life look like?”
Wrote down: Completely different. Ministry. Hope. Angels are always around me, my body, with their hands on my shoulders.

There was one question that my sister asked, and I said two answers. One was God; the other was the flesh. She asked me, was the second one the flesh? And we both knew it was.

My sister gets visions and dreams, and she said she felt two hands only my shoulders, the Angels. As we ended worship, we invited God to stay with us the entire day, never leave, to be still and have it not end there. God wants this 24/7, so we gave the day to Him. We prayed for the Kingdom of Light to advance power in speaking and help those who are captives to the enemy. Like I was.. (Like we all were at one point before.)

So, anytime a new Christian wants to hear Him speak back or confirm something, write it down! And then ask for a confirmation, be patient. Of course we all want to see an Angel float in and talk to us, but they are in another realm and dimensions that we cannot see, but it is here, next to us. It’s so awesome. If only our ears were pitched different, we could hear the Angels singing around us. If only our eyes were open to the spiritual realm, we would be seeing the constant battle between satan and the angels fighting for us. One day, when we get to Heaven, all will be explained. For our human minds can’t comprehend things so deep now.

Why is Being Worldly Considered Cool?

At 27-years-old, I partook in things the world and what American culture deemed to be “cool” or “normal.” Casual sex, getting drunk, trying drugs, etc. That hooking up culture, the whole “not caring” thing, being “too cool for school”.. Having an attitude, cursing people out, cutting people out of my life; putting on a facade on social media, making my life look soooo exciting and awesome on social media. Obsessing over likes; Obsessing over materialistic things JUST to get likes. Sound familiar? Yeah, this isn’t life. Trust me. Once you get a taste of real LIFE, you’ll never go back.

Reflecting back on my life, I don’t know why or how I ever thought that was okay. What most people don’t know is what comes from these things. Unhappiness. Depression. Anxiety. Fear. Unwanted pregnancies. STDs. Drug addiction. Alcohol addiction. Accidental overdoses. Having a reputation for something you don’t want to be known as; or maybe you did; maybe the attention is what you longed for. I know I did sometimes.

I have a long history of things I’ve tried, and done, but now I couldn’t be happier where I am. I was never a ‘true’ Christian. And there are days where small stupid satan rears his ugly head back in and whispers lies in my ears. Those days are the hardest for me as a new Christian.

There have been MANY times, God has saved me from suicide. I mean….. I’m still here. I don’t know how…. but my attempts never worked. Knowing God needs me here, and that He has a plan for my life, a job for me, keeps me in check.

My blog on perception vs perspective was insightful to me; I thought about patience. I need to wait. I need to learn. I can’t jump or run away the second satan comes near me. I need to call out to God. That’s the only way he’ll vanish. I need to remember that next time a day like yesterday rolls around.

I have lived in peace, love, and joy, that the world cannot provide, since becoming a Christian. I hate to say I’ve been slowly drifting back to where I was before. An excuse for church; an excuse for connect group; an excuse to read the Bible for just 5 minutes a day.

But I find myself so bored with all the time I have in a day. TV is really no longer a big interest of mine. I realized healthy hobbies are what I need: so I began playing basketball on Saturday mornings, biking, and getting out of my comfort zone.

What I will say to new Christians like I recently was– is take the next step. Majority of new Believers get sucked back into old ways and habits; I slowly was. Get out of your comfort zone!!! I finally decided I’m going to try it God’s way, and go to California for a few months. I’m going to be staying at a camp-like place where you have daily lessons on the Bible, learn more how to pray and Encounter the Lord, and further your spiritual gifts. I CAN’T wait!!!!!!! Being discipled and learning to be obedient to God isn’t gonna be easy, but NOTHING you’ll ever do can ever compare to how worth it it is. Get a taste of God, and you’ll want more forever, and he longs to give you more forever. How amazing is He?

Perception vs. Perspective

When I created my first blog, everyday I would rush home from work and write down all my thoughts and experiences of the day. I became obsessed; and it became overbearing. I would check google analytics and the stats on my phone constantly, looking for comments and views.

Eventually, my friends and family started reading it, which I was cool with. But then I thought, wouldn’t it just be awesome to write freely and anonymously? To speak open and honest and be real with myself; without judgement from anyone in my life?

I wasn’t sure what to blog about today since it was just your standard Friday post-work afternoon, but is there any feeling greater than that?!

Perception is the way we understand, comprehend, and perceive things. It’s also that part of you that has intuition.

Your attitude and point of view is your Perspective.

At first, I decided this post would be dedicated to compiling a list of my greatest achievements, challenges, mistakes, and failures that I’ve overcome. I recommend you try doing it too. It can spin a negative experience into a more positive and give you a fresher perspective.

I got off track, clearly, but ultimately, this post centers around perspective and perception; the differences and similarities. Your perception is shaped by your perspective. If you change your perspective, you can change your thoughts. Renewal of the mind is the first step to building your foundation in Christ Jesus. Plant the seeds. Then, they will need to be watered. If you continue to grow, you will produce good fruit (good trees only produce good fruit), the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Then, you will grow more in the Spirit- and that is when transformation happens. This is coming from the biggest skeptic, psychology major, who viewed “religion” as a crutch. (Little untold secret about Christianity….Being a Christian is actually the hardest, yet most rewarding decision, you will make in your life; To pick up your Cross and Follow Jesus. To die to yourself and deny yourself things you’re used to; you become transformed through the Holy Spirit (The Spirit of Jesus that He left for ALL!!!)

Your thoughts become your words; your words become actions; your actions become behavior; your behavior is who you are.

My mom told me this growing up, “What you say, you’ll have”. I think it’s so important to think positive. I’m not a happy-go-lucky person, (obviously), but I do believe being realistic but positive is the best way to think. Why think about the worst case scenario? Although that is what our brain is trained to do (fight or flight reflex), it never happens. Never.

Even if you have to fake it at first, it slowly changes your perception of things. Your perspective on life can then change as well.

In terms of my achievements, I don’t compare to anybody in my family. I’m not an athlete; I’m not a genius; I don’t make millions of dollars and I don’t have the life of the party personality. Majority of my life, I felt like the black sheep looking in. Ivy leaguers, news anchors, google software engineers, Wall Street traders, owners of businesses and non-profits; I’m just your average person. But throughout the last two months I’ve grown to believe I’m more than that. And so are you. Nobody is average unless they want to be and settle to be. Everyone has an interesting life, no matter what your story is. And you know what? What defines identity? Not your looks, not your job, not your religion, not where you live, not your career success: These things do not tell me WHO you ARE. So…knowing your identity in Christ Jesus is the most important thing you will learn. For me, it was a massive challenge, to change the way I saw myself, to slowly learn to love myself, and it’s still a work in progress. Consistently renewing my mind, knowing WHO God is, all good, all loving, gentle, caring, never demanding, yet sovereign, all powerful, knowing He sent His only Son as a sacrifice to us, that is how much he lives us. For God created us, sin separated us, and God loved us so much that Jesus died for our sins so we could live forever with Him and the Father, in perfect peace and harmony, the way God intended life to be.

So, back to the original question, I have learned that when you come to a certain age, which is different for everyone, you mature. For me, when I turned 25, I was tired of the whole partying/ hooking up/drinking scene. I couldn’t stand people who “just wished they could go back to college.”

Life is more than that. It’s the sum of your life, experiences, relationships, love, lessons learnt, dreams… I don’t regret things. I used to, but there’s no point. What’s done is done, and there can always be a lesson learned from a mistake.

Not having protected sex leads to either an STD or a pregnancy; it’s like playing Russian roulette. I learned the hard way. At 21 I had an abortion. Something inside me knew it was a boy; I can’t wait to meet him in Heaven. I love him so much and all I want to do is be with him and apologize and say how sorry I am.

I used to cut; sometimes the thought will cross my mind when I’m really in a crisis mode. But cutting yourself as a cry for help isn’t beneficial; you live with those scars forever. And sometimes, it can scare people off….. Big time. I don’t remember the last day I went without wearing coverup on my wrists, thighs, and wearing massive bracelets or long sleeves. But I don’t regret it, because I might not be here today had I not cried out for help. From God.

If your perspective on life is that it sucks, it’s boring, it’s a tiring routine, depressing, etc., then you’re not thinking clear. I promise, because I was you. Just trying to make it by, day by day. Do you wanna live just getting by? No–you want to live happy–and I didn’t even know what being “happy” meant.

If you’ve hit rock bottom, you can only go up. I challenge you to change your perspective. Give God a chance. Your life will be forever shaken, in the most supernatural, amazing way, that is just for you. Why not just say, “God, if you’re real, please show me. I am seeking you.” If you mean it truly in your heart.. “Whoever seeks Him, shall find Him.”