At 27-years-old, I partook in things the world and culture deemed to be “cool”. Sex, drinking, college parties, occasionally trying drugs, etc. Hooking up culture, not caring, smoking cigarettes, popping pills, being “too cool for school”. Having an attitude, cursing people out, cutting people out of my life. Making my life look soooo exciting and awesome on social media. Obsessing over likes; Obsessing over materialistic things JUST to get likes. Sound familiar?
Reflecting back on my life, I don’t know why or how I ever thought that was okay. What most people don’t know is what comes from these things. Unhappiness. Depression. Anxiety. Fear. Unwanted pregnancies. STDs. Drug addiction. Alcohol addiction. Accidental overdoses. Having a reputation for something you don’t want to be known as or for; or maybe you did; maybe the attention is what you longed for. I know I did.
I have a really long history of things I’ve tried and done, but now I couldn’t be happier where I am. I was never a true Christian. And there are days where small stupid satan rears his ugly head back in and whispers lies in my ears. Those days are the hardest for me as a new Christian. I can’t wait to get to that point in my relationship with God where he can’t come near me.
There have been MANY times, God has saved me from suicide. I mean….. I’m still here. I don’t know how…. but my attempts never worked. Knowing God needs me here, and that He has a plan for my life, a job for me, keeps me in check.
My blog on perception vs perspective was insightful to me; I thought about patience. I need to wait. I need to learn and lesson. I can’t jump or run away the second satan comes near me. I need to call out to God. That’s the only way he’ll vanish. I need to remember that next time a day like yesterday rolls around.
I have lived in peace, happiness, positivity since becoming a Christian. I hate to say I’ve been slowly drifting back to where I was before. An excuse for church; an excuse for connect group; an excuse to read the Bible 5 minutes a day. But I find myself so bored with all the time I have in a day. TV is really no longer a big interest of mine (asides from Game of Thrones).
What I will say to new Christians like myself, is take the next step. Majority of new Believers get sucked back into old ways and habits; I slowly was. Get out of your comfort zone! I finally decided I’m going to try it God’s way, and go to California for a few months. I’m going to be staying at a camp-like place where you have daily lessons on the Bible, learn more how to pray and Encounter the Lord, and further your spiritual gifts. I CAN’T wait!!!!!!!