Why is Being Worldly Considered Cool?

At 27-years-old, I partook in things the world and culture deemed to be “cool”. Sex, drinking, college parties, occasionally trying drugs, etc. Hooking up culture, not caring, smoking cigarettes, popping pills, being “too cool for school”. Having an attitude, cursing people out, cutting people out of my life. Making my life look soooo exciting and awesome on social media. Obsessing over likes; Obsessing over materialistic things JUST to get likes. Sound familiar?

Reflecting back on my life, I don’t know why or how I ever thought that was okay.  What most people don’t know is what comes from these things. Unhappiness. Depression. Anxiety. Fear. Unwanted pregnancies. STDs. Drug addiction. Alcohol addiction. Accidental overdoses. Having a reputation for something you don’t want to be known as or for; or maybe you did; maybe the attention is what you longed for. I know I did.

I have a really long history of things I’ve tried and done, but now I couldn’t be happier where I am. I was never a true Christian. And there are days where small stupid satan rears his ugly head back in and whispers lies in my ears. Those days are the hardest for me as a new Christian. I can’t wait to get to that point in my relationship with God where he can’t come near me.

There have been MANY times, God has saved me from suicide. I mean….. I’m still here. I don’t know how…. but my attempts never worked. Knowing God needs me here, and that He has a plan for my life, a job for me, keeps me in check.

My blog on perception vs perspective was insightful to me; I thought about patience. I need to wait. I need to learn and lesson. I can’t jump or run away the second satan comes near me. I need to call out to God. That’s the only way he’ll vanish. I need to remember that next time a day like yesterday rolls around.

I have lived in peace, happiness, positivity since becoming a Christian. I hate to say I’ve been slowly drifting back to where I was before. An excuse for church; an excuse for connect group; an excuse to read the Bible 5 minutes a day. But I find myself so bored with all the time I have in a day. TV is really no longer a big interest of mine (asides from Game of Thrones).

What I will say to new Christians like myself, is take the next step. Majority of new Believers get sucked back into old ways and habits; I slowly was. Get out of your comfort zone! I finally decided I’m going to try it God’s way, and go to California for a few months. I’m going to be staying at a camp-like place where you have daily lessons on the Bible, learn more how to pray and Encounter the Lord, and further your spiritual gifts. I CAN’T wait!!!!!!!

Perception vs. Perspective

When I created my first blog, everyday I would rush home from work and write down all my thoughts and experiences of the day. I became obsessed; and it became overbearing. I would check google analytics and the stats on my phone constantly, looking for comments and views. Eventually, my friends and family started reading it, which I was cool with. But then I thought, wouldn’t it just be awesome to write freely and anonymously? To speak open and honest and be real with myself; without judgement from anyone in my life? That isn’t to say one day I won’t be comfortable sharing it, but it takes time.

I wasn’t sure what to blog about today since it was just your standard Friday post-work afternoon, but is there any feeling greater than that?!

Perception is the way you understand; it’s the way you comprehend and perceive things.  It’s also that part of you that has intuition. While your attitude and point of view is perspective.

At first I decided this post would be dedicated to compiling a list of my greatest achievements, challenges, mistakes, and failures that I’ve overcome. I recommend you try doing it too! It can spin a negative experience into a more positive and beneficial perspective.

I got off track, clearly, but ultimately, this post centers around perspective and perception; the differences and similarities. Your perception is shaped by your perspective. If you change your perspective, you can change your thoughts.

Your thoughts become your words; your words become actions; your actions become behavior; your behavior is who you are.

My mom told me this growing up, “What you say, you’ll have”. I think it’s so important to think positive. I’m not a happy-go-lucky person, (obviously), but I do believe being realistic but positive is the best way to think. Why think about the worst case scenario? Although that is what our brain is trained to do (fight or flight reflex), it never happens. Never.

Even if you have to fake it at first, it slowly changes your perception of things. Your perspective on life can then change as well.

In terms of my achievements, I don’t compare to anybody in my family. I’m not an athlete; I’m not a genius; I don’t make millions of dollars and I don’t have the life of the party personality. Majority of my life, I felt like the black sheep looking in. Ivy leaguers, news anchors, google software engineers, Wall Street traders, owners of businesses and non-profits; I’m just your average person. But throughout the last two months I’ve grown to believe I’m more than that. And so are you. Nobody is average unless they want to be and settle to be. Everyone has an interesting life, no matter what your story is.

So, back to the original question, greatest achievement…. Maybe graduating college, honestly. I always hated school. I hated tests, the pressure and anxiety. In terms of challenges, failures, and mistakes I’ve made, that list can go on for days (not kidding). But I have learned that when you come to a certain age, which is different for everyone, you mature. For me, when I turned 25, I was tired of the whole partying hooking up drinking scene. I couldn’t stand people who “just wished they could go back to college.”

Life is more than that. It’s the sum of your entire years, entire experiences, relationships, love, achievements, failures, mistakes, dreams… I don’t regret things. I used to, but there’s no point. What’s done is done, and there can always be a lesson learned from a mistake.

Not having protected sex leads to either an STD or a pregnancy; it’s like playing Russian roulette. I learned the hard way. At 21 I had an abortion. Something inside me knew it was a boy; I can’t wait to meet him in Heaven. I love him so much and all I want to do is be with him and apologize and say how sorry I am.

I used to cut; sometimes the thought will cross my mind when I’m really in a crisis mode. But cutting yourself as a cry for help isn’t beneficial; you live with those scars forever. And sometimes, it can scare people off….. Big time. I don’t remember the last day I went without wearing coverup on my wrists, thighs, and wearing massive bracelets or long sleeves. But I don’t regret it, because I might not be here today had I not cried out for help. From God.

If your perspective on life is that it sucks, it’s boring, it’s a tiring routine, depressing, etc., then you’re not thinking clear. You get one shot at this; make it the best you can! Be your happiest; think positive; be nice to people, and you will be rewarded.

My way of looking at things now is that it only gets better. If you’ve hit rock bottom, you can only go up. I challenge you to change your perspective.