I chose to blog about anger today because that’s pretty much the only thing my day has been filled with. Where does anger stem from? I don’t know about you, but I hate fighting. I hate drama. I really don’t like lashing out or hurting people; and I especially don’t like people saying mean things or giving me attitude either. I think today God has thrown me a curveball, to see how I could cope and deal with anger. And I gotta say, I’m not doing so well. (God never wants to see any of us upset or in pain or angry; but we have free will. That isn’t to say God “started” this argument; I believe as a Christian now, my reaction should have been more powerful than my anger did. And it left me feeling terrible)
I’m sure plenty of you deal with feeling angry sometimes too. How do you deal with it? In romantic relationships, in families, and friendships; it’s SOO hard. I do NOT like to create or have enemies; I was told to never burn bridges.
It’s SO easy to get angry, pissed off and frustrated. I wish I had dealt with it better today. I took the low road, but I’m still going to write about it. I’m not perfect. I know that. I also know I messed up. I don’t like the feeling I get after fighting with something or doing something spiteful; the enemy loves it.
FYI..Text messages are forever, I know, but we always forget right? So much gets misconstrued through texts, which is sadly how most of us communicate with one another. I saw RED today, and instead of seeking God and asking for comfort, asking Him to take away my anger and rage, I went full force on texts back. And yeah, in the moment it felt great. HA HA to the person who wronged me over and over. An eye for an eye.
But in Matthew (5:38-42), Jesus says, “Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.”
Easier said than done? Absolutely. But taking the higher road feels amazing. I remember the last time I forgave someone for doing something absolutely horrific to me (specifically, beating me up at a bar). I could have pressed charges; ruined her potential career future; instead I talked to God about the situation and He turned my heart. I forgave her; and she couldn’t comprehend it. Humans aren’t used to Godly ways; we are used to hatred and sin.
We are all brothers and sisters, meant to love each other. Instead, our world is so full of hatred. I don’t do well with sarcasm or people who hate on others; I enjoy kindness and genuine people.
For about an hour of my day today, which felt like most of it, was filled with ANGER. and HATRED. and DISGUST. and RAGE. towards the two people in my group message; my roommates until I leave for California. One was my best friend prior to a horrible night back in February when she left me abandoned in the snow, bruised and bleeding. That night, I forgave her, but I still have never been able to forget it or move past it. I’ve tried. But I don’t see that as a friend. I would have carried my friend home in that situation. I would’ve bent over backwards for them. Especially knowing how I suffer with depression and suicidal tendencies. But I know God will eventually release me of this memory and pain I still hold on to.
Back to original content of this post, the text messages from all 3 of us were just filled with spite. They are so angry and upset that I’m moving out out the apartment early; meanwhile I am doing my very best to find a friend of mine to take my room.
God is CALLING me to HIM. I am meant to go to California and Encounter Him. Learn more; learn to speak better to crowds; have my heart more open and vulnerable. This is my time. There is nothing here for me, and that is evident. I have been miserable, and this is a chance of a lifetime.
For them to view it as anything else just really hurts me. I know after my journey I will forget about this and forgive them in my heart and have new friends who share the same faith as me and have compassion, but until then, I have to ask God every single second in this apartment to help me. Help me with the tension, the attitudes, the NEGATIVE energy that is draining my soul.
I’m gonna write an update on this soon. The situation, the anger, all of it. This time, I’m going to try it God’s way; not the worldly sinful spiteful way. And I bet I won’t be upset and it won’t ruin my day next time.